“admit it for eternity”

I’ve been browsing my old writing folders to get some inspiration and have found a few things that feel like they’re worth posting. The following is a poem(?) I wrote a few years ago as a result of listening to Say Anything too much and not handling not being in a relationship very well and getting fed up with the groupthink that many folks at my small liberal arts university developed.

Enjoy, I think…?

“admit it for eternity”

everything is complicated and most things are beautiful
and i am neither david foster wallace nor joyce carol oates
keep these things close in mind
as i get mean, hypocritical, hyberbolic, and overly verbose

diatribe #1:
i will not endure your dry-ass pseudo-intellectual musings
about how everything is essentially dust
and about how we are nothing more than sacks of flesh
do not atomize me, lobotomize me, or tear me into theoretical shreds
i am not a participant in your bullshit ayn randian utopia
established as an excuse to avoid saying please and thank you
i do not abide by your dull, cold attachment to reason
it’s boring, it’s disgusting, you barely pass for a human being
and i don’t approve of your neurotic fucking maximalist writing style
you don’t need five hundred words to say what could be said in five
there is a finite amount of books that can be read in a lifetime
and i’m just not confident that infinite jest should be one of them
you are not as smart, busy, or important as you think you are
stop feigning superiority over people you don’t even take the time to get to know
i will not buy into this post-modern bullcrap
nothing is unknowable, history is not subjective and lost
tyler durden is the invention of a writer who tries too hard to upset people
i am in fact an individual unique goddamn snowflake
do not romanticize yourself as a misunderstood egomaniac
only use the word “byron-esque” when you’re being facetious
settle down and read some toni morrison with me, for chrissake

hear me out, okay?
try harder, do better, be nice, improve thyself
everything is complicated and most things are beautiful
and i’m too tired to be this angry

diatribe #2:
notice how none of you people ever talk about how much you like anything
how your alleged superiority over guys with clinical depression who are dicks sometimes
rests in a haze of petty scorn, unhealthy obsessions, and self-loathing
resist the urge to fetishize the things you hate by talking about them way too much
don’t dismiss someone’s emotional turmoil based upon a shallow passing judgment
nor will i wallow in put-upon cynicism and defeatist attitudes toward the patriarchy
stop recommending john green
he is a festering boil on the already-shitty face of white american culture
perpetuating bullshit teenage us-against-them mindsets and mediocre turns of phrase
i am not part of your depressing web of human longing and woe-is-me short prose pieces
knowing what the bechdel test is does not equate to being educated on gender theory
your passive aggressive self-righteousness is an egregious facade misusing legitimate social issues as a means by which to spend every moment of your life whining about how awful you think other people are
you’ve never stopped to constructively judge yourself or walk a mile in somebody else’s shoes
settle down and read some toni morrison with me, for chrissake

once again, alright?
try harder, do better, be nice, improve thyself
everything is complicated and most things are beautiful
and i’m way too tired to be this angry


About Bryan Cebulski

Writer. Cis queer. History, masculinity, media. Point-and-click adventure protagonist. He/Him/His. Collects bad habits like Jessica Rabbit.
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