the roommate series:
an ode to the world’s most amazing human being as told through facebook status updates
Food I have in the room:
– Granola thins
– Mug cake
– Baby carrots
Food my roommate Christopher has in the room:
– Peanut butter
– Like four hundred string cheeses and gogurts
My roommate Christopher woke up this morning and immediately started to play the Raiders of the Lost Ark soundtrack.
My roommate Christopher plays Tchaikovsky from his iPhone while brushing his teeth at 2 am. “Does this not significantly improve your nighttime hygiene experience?” asks Christopher to the guy at the sink next to him.
My roommate Christopher walks into the bathroom and notices all the stalls are occupied. “Looks like we got a shitfest goin’ on in here!” exclaims Christopher.
How to tell when my roommate Christopher is folding laundry:
– The dorm’s entire first floor trembles with the music of Taylor Swift
Things accomplished today:
– Introduced my roommate Christopher to that one song from Snakes on a Plane
Ways to refer to my roommate Christopher Bohl:
– Señor Bohl
– Christanbul was Christantinople
Names for my roommate Christopher’s children:
– Super Bohl
– Rice Bohl
– Ceramic Bohl
– Smoke A. Bohl
– Quiz Bohl
– Orange Bohl
– Soup Bohl
– Dust Bohl
My roommate Christopher has been gone since yesterday afternoon. I only cried for 20 minutes today.
Moved into a quad for the summer. My roommate Christopher is now merely my suitemate Christopher. :c
I explain the plot of Nikolai Gogol’s short story “The Nose” to my suitemate Christopher. “Fuckin’ ruskies need to calm their shit,” says my suitemate Christopher.
Dinnertime with my roommate Fiara and my suitemate Christopher
Mexican Food Edition
Fiara: “Guys my butt is full of farts.”
Christopher: *leaves restaurant entirely*
My suitemate Christopher joins the group for a drinking game. “Oh, room temperature PBR,“ says Christopher. “I didn’t realize we were trying to make this experience as painful as possible.”
On the morning of his twenty-second birthday I wake up to hear my suitemate Christopher in the shower playing “22” by Taylor Swift on repeat.
I would be excited about the new school year but my ex-suitemate Christopher now lives all the way across campus :c
My ex-suitemate Christopher led an in-depth discussion on Baz Luhrmann’s adaptation of The Great Gatsby over lunch today, mainly concerning whether or not Myrtle was intended to be “thick as hell” in the original novel.
“I like how you looked up ‘lord of the rings enya’.” – Christopher’s current roommate Tom on my ex-suitemate Christopher’s Google search history.
Slowly coming to terms with the fact that my ex-suitemate Christopher will be graduating this year.
Previously published in the ’13-’14 edition of Lawrence University’s literary & arts magazine Tropos.