the roommate series

the roommate series:

an ode to the world’s most amazing human being as told through facebook status updates


January 21st

Food I have in the room:
– Granola thins
– Mug cake
– Baby carrots

Food my roommate Christopher has in the room:
– Peanut butter
– Like four hundred string cheeses and gogurts

January 28th

My roommate Christopher woke up this morning and immediately started to play the Raiders of the Lost Ark soundtrack.

February 3rd

My roommate Christopher plays Tchaikovsky from his iPhone while brushing his teeth at 2 am. “Does this not significantly improve your nighttime hygiene experience?” asks Christopher to the guy at the sink next to him.

March 4th

My roommate Christopher walks into the bathroom and notices all the stalls are occupied. “Looks like we got a shitfest goin’ on in here!” exclaims Christopher.

April 7th

How to tell when my roommate Christopher is folding laundry:
– The dorm’s entire first floor trembles with the music of Taylor Swift

April 20th

Things accomplished today:
– Introduced my roommate Christopher to that one song from Snakes on a Plane

April 23rd

Ways to refer to my roommate Christopher Bohl:
– Christopherrrrrrrr
– Christobutt
– Christoball
– Christoballer
– Christofuck
– Señor Bohl
– Christanbul was Christantinople

May 14th

Names for my roommate Christopher’s children:
– Super Bohl
– Rice Bohl
– Ceramic Bohl
– Smoke A. Bohl
– Quiz Bohl
– Orange Bohl
– Soup Bohl
– Dust Bohl

May 25th

My roommate Christopher has been gone since yesterday afternoon. I only cried for 20 minutes today.

June 21st

Moved into a quad for the summer. My roommate Christopher is now merely my suitemate Christopher. :c

June 25th

I explain the plot of Nikolai Gogol’s short story “The Nose” to my suitemate Christopher. “Fuckin’ ruskies need to calm their shit,” says my suitemate Christopher.

July 10th

Dinnertime with my roommate Fiara and my suitemate Christopher

Mexican Food Edition

Fiara: “Guys my butt is full of farts.”
Christopher: *leaves restaurant entirely*

July 19th

My suitemate Christopher joins the group for a drinking game. “Oh, room temperature PBR,“ says Christopher. “I didn’t realize we were trying to make this experience as painful as possible.”

July 29th

On the morning of his twenty-second birthday I wake up to hear my suitemate Christopher in the shower playing “22” by Taylor Swift on repeat.

August 9th

I would be excited about the new school year but my ex-suitemate Christopher now lives all the way across campus :c

November 12th

My ex-suitemate Christopher led an in-depth discussion on Baz Luhrmann’s adaptation of The Great Gatsby over lunch today, mainly concerning whether or not Myrtle was intended to be “thick as hell” in the original novel.

January 19th

“I like how you looked up ‘lord of the rings enya’.” – Christopher’s current roommate Tom on my ex-suitemate Christopher’s Google search history.

February 15th

Slowly coming to terms with the fact that my ex-suitemate Christopher will be graduating this year.


Previously published in the ’13-’14 edition of Lawrence University’s literary & arts magazine Tropos.


About Bryan Cebulski

Writer. Cis queer. History, masculinity, media. Point-and-click adventure protagonist. He/Him/His. Collects bad habits like Jessica Rabbit.
This entry was posted in Short Stories, True Story, Writing and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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